Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
