and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
