I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
