Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
