so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
