Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
