Please, let me fuck your mom
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
