Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I love having hate sex.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
