Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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