I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
