Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
