Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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