Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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