I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
