So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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