Well douche your snatch and let's go!
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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