The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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