watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
