Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
