So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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