Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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