saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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