he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
