Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
