i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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