he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
