So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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