what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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