if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Everyone says I win the strip club
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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