I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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