sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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