i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
