youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
