Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
