cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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