she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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