Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
