do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize