thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
