Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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