Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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