we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Boobs speak an international language.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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