Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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