it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
