just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
