I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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