I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
