I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I have demons in me.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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