She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
