Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
