So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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