I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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