I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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