ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize