last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
