Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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