Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i wish my penis had a tongue
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize