You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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