Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
