Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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