so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
