Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
