oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
