im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
