3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
