shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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