Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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