my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
