so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
