Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
