I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
