Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
