i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
