My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
