Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
