It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
