the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
