WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I look better un-naked...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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