1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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