I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
