I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
