I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
