I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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