this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
