Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
