One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
