Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
