I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
