So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
