I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
