i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
