Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I have tasted many bathrooms
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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