Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
