my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
