loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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