Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
