just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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