woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
