i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize