My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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