Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
