I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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